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Was this a "ruined orgasm"?

orca's avatar
Submitted by orca on Fri, 01/02/2009 - 01:14. her reality
Coming home late last night from a New Year's party, DH and I were very tired and a tad tipsy, but still wanted to make love as usual before turning in. Bad idea!

We were floundering around, out of sync from the start, moving in uncoordinated ways and having trouble reaching that pre-orgasmic bliss state that usually comes so readily. Several times we had to stop abruptly to avoid an orgasm, and that hasn't happened in many months...

A few minutes in, with little warning I suddenly feel VERY engorged, very tense inside, with a sinking "uh oh, too late!" feeling as I realize what's about to happen, that I've slipped over a threshold I shouldn't have. No sensations of pleasure, then, only of pressure, inevitabilty.

I hissed "still... hold still!!" in his ear, closed my eyes, and with my arms wrapped around him, squeezed hard enough to knock the wind out of him, while trying my best to totally relax down below.

Hubby was still inside me, but motionless, and says that he felt a single, involuntary "clench," 10 or 15 seconds after the crisis point. But I don't remember clenching, and felt nothing at all just then, being focused so much on fighting off the orgasm.

Eventually, he went soft and pulled out, and we didn't try anything more that night, all this having completely spoiled the mood. I was crying a little.. he held me and tried to comfort me as we drifted off to sleep.

Was this what some of you call a "ruined orgasm", or just a scary close call?

Knowing how badly an orgasm will affect me emotionally, I was really expecting the worst this morning, but woke up (late) feeling no worse for whatever had happened, and quite horny! We've since spent much of today in bed Smiling Whatever happened last night, it doesn't seem to have set me back one bit, and I'd think a RO would have?
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kellys's avatar

Sounds like one to me... but

Submitted by kellys on Fri, 01/02/2009 - 17:41.
Sounds like one to me... but I wouldn't worry about it. Since I went on to being permanently orgasm free, I've had several of those, usually about once every 6-9 months there is a close call. What you call it doesn't really matter, that's just a label. The important thing is to just let it pass and resume building your energy as soon as possible. When first starting, I found these "ruined orgasms" can be made into a pleasurable, but weak orgasm, a very mild orgasm with some clenching, or an intense clenching sensation with no orgasmic pleasure.

At first, I always converted them into a full orgasm, figuring the damage was always done, but then I realized the weaker the orgasm, the less energy I seemed to lose, and the higher my arousal could be maintained over the next several weeks. Now, I prefer to go for the intense clenching when this happens.

I find edging myself very soon afterwards to be a good test of how much energy I have lost, but don't worry about it so much. You can easily recover your same level of excitement and cuddle-arousal-happiness in a few days, even with a mild orgasm, and even after a full orgasm, it only takes around two weeks (at least for me) to reach peak again. Most of the effect after that point is psychological - biologically, you can only store so much energy, but psychologically, you know think weeks vs. two years is different - it isn't really any different, only in terms of discipline.
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orca's avatar

Thanks, Kelly, for the reassu

Submitted by orca on Sat, 01/03/2009 - 22:01.
Thanks, Kelly, for the reassurance. You're one of few here who seem to appreciate just how blissful, fulfilling, life-changing this can be, in contrast to all the "frustration" and "aching" and "agony" spoken of so much.

Wednesday night was quite an upset for me, emotionally, but my overreaction to what happened proved far worse than the RO itself. Never having experienced this before, I was just horrified, and had built it up to be something more than it was. My husband was blaming himself for being careless, though it wasn't really his fault.

Happily, my loss of energy was so little that by the following morning, I was floating right along again and couldn't perceive ANY difference! Our time together since, over the holiday has been fantastic.

It's interesting how you can deliberately clench harder to suppress the orgasm. In my case, the contraction happened with no conscious control, but by forcing all of the tension out of my belly, into my upper body, and giving hubby the anaconda squeeze I was able to cut it off. Now I'll at least know what to expect next time.

At 10 months now, I feel I can go on indefinitely so long as my husband is around to take care of me. Last February he was traveling a lot on business, and it didn't work then. At times like that I really do need the orgasms to cope.
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ruined orgasm

Submitted by LolitaLynn on Wed, 01/21/2009 - 21:54.
You said you felt no pleasure, just your clenching... sounds like edging to me. Maybe I got the point of this all wrong, but from what you describe is what I've been trying to do. Sometimes I reach a point where I can feel that orgasmic energy start to well up but then I stop and hold off. Sometimes I get a small pleasurable spasm, I just enjoy them and let them go. I'm still very horny afterwards, maybe hornier.
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orca's avatar

Having to stop abruptly is *awful*!

Submitted by orca on Sun, 02/08/2009 - 01:11.
I guess edging can mean different things to each of us.

For me, a non-orgasmic sexual experience can be every bit as satisfying (for a time!) as one ending in climax, but only if it develops in just the right way... and how we choose to wind down and disengage seems to be the most important part.

I think it's all about managing the "energy" that's developed. Taking proper care to spread and circulate this throughout our bodies, we can finish in a happily contented state, still highly aroused and tingling all over, but with no feeling of urgency, or incompleteness. It sounds contradictory, but this is the most amazing feeling... so very alive!

But ending things abruptly, like after the ruined O, meant there was no chance for this to happen. At that moment I felt only frustration, an ache between my legs, tightness in my belly. The sexual energy I'd carefully cultivated was wound up in a tight knot, with nowhere to go. Most unpleasant! All the yummy feelings up to that point sort of came crashing down Sad

As for my husband, of course he was also frustrated, "frazzled" as he put it, but not to the same degree. I think he was more upset over my emotional distress than anything.

Happily, nothing like this has happened since Smiling
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