Switching Fantasies

I'm coming up on another week of orgasm denial today and it's getting difficult to keep my mind off it. I find it interesting how some weeks I can go without orgasm or much sexual activity or stimulus at all with very little frustration, and yet others I have the hardest time of it. Then again, I've been that way for as long as I can remember, though the time ranges of my self-imposed denial were usually shorter. This week I've also been given permission to masturbate for a while, and I suspect without much doubt that it is the continuous masturbation that has been keeping me on edge.

Each time I'm allowed to masturbate, it's always an option. I'm given the choice to masturbate for a while if I want to. Of course, even when I don't really want to (such as when my mind is off on something else at the exact moment the offer reveals itself) I always end up taking the opportunity to tease myself. It began earlier this week, however, with her pulling me down to the bed and pulling my pants down, and then--even though at the time I offered some minimal protests to this whole thing--she started teasing me, playing with my penis and lightly pumping its length.

After that initial (and fantastic!) teasing session (during which I lost count of the number of times I asked her to let me cum), she's gone back to the method of my allowance to masturbate, and to tease myself. Thing is, and that experience punctuated the fact, her hands always feel so much better than mine.

Girl Next Door has mentioned something to this effect on her recent entries, where she says that when her boyfriend stops playing with her to leave the room for a moment, she'll take over and masturbate herself as best she can, but it never feels as good as the moments prior, when her boyfriends hands were working her over. I feel similarly, and I think it's interesting to note why that is. (My best guess as the moment is that its a matter of control; the mind is so strong a sexual organ that it is sexier, and thus more physically pleasureable, that your dominant partner induces the sensations in you than when you do it to yourself.)

Thankfully, my girlfriend hinted towards the possibility of an orgasm for me at her hands some time soon, as long as I don't ask for permission to cum explicitly. This is also a first for her, and it's making me even hornier than before. I love it when she plays with this, when she experiments and tries new things, that is, to quote Girl Next Door, when she does things like checking up on me, imposing restrictions and requirements, reminding me of my limitations and prohibitions, exacerbating the situation and withdrawing, requiring masturbation, forbidding masturbation, examining the cumulative effects, exploiting my hunger and desperation to the max….

And speaking of Girl Next Door, I have found her entries of late to be especially arousing. Perhaps it's because I'm finding more similarities between her fantasies and my own (not to mention our experiences, as mused above). However, I'm also recognizing the telltale signs of my own cruelty and, yes, dominance, in that I find myself thoroughly enjoying her frustration not for vicarious denial, but for immediate pleasure. Now of course, immediate pleasure is denied me, which also appeals to my submissive natures, but there certainly is a portion of my sexuality that is excited by the notion of other people in arousing duress at my hands.

Moreover, I find that the hornier I get the more extreme my sadistic and dominant desires become in regards to that avenue of my sexual fantasties. These fantasies involve a woman submissive to me (and potentially submissive to another as well, such as my girlfriend) with whom I can use as a personal fuck toy, sex slave, you name it. Now, the irony is that in these fantasies I may still be in denial, so I still won't always get to cum (though I do frequently use her to edge myself), but she will definitely be in denial and, more cruelly, will have virtually no chance of cumming at all (though she may not know that). The hotter I get, the crueller I feel like being to this imaginary slave girl of mine. That's what I find kind of cool.

On the flip side, I also fantasize about the two of us switching roles at times, possibly still or sometimes still under the ultimate control of another dominant (read: my girlfriend). It makes for some pretty hot stuff....

And as I muse, I remember that there were several threads on the topic of orgasm denial spawning dominance in some of the message boards/yahoo groups I occasionally visit. Unfortuntely I don't remember very much about what they said. Anyway, moving on...probably to bed.