6 months (nearly)

Wow, it has sure been a long time from ‘nearly 6 months’ to ‘6 months’. In fact, it was nearly a month by itself.

When I got to 22 weeks and 5 days (my previous best) I was so used to thinking of that as ‘nearly 6 months’ that I thought an actual 6 months was surely just round the corner.

Well, it has been the longest ‘nearly’ of my life! Three weeks and 2 days, to be precise. And I have been through a whole range of emotions and reactions to my denial.

Firstly, I find myself getting aroused more often. This was inevitable as we break into new territory, and as the reality of my denial hits home – this is only halfway, I’ve got as long to go as I’ve already done. All this, I must do all over again, and that seems like a long way from this point. The fear is real now - I'm only halfway there, and this will be the hardest half.

I’m still utterly grateful for the denial – I think it’s one of the kindest, most exciting, satisfying and intense experiences I’ve had with a partner. I can’t imagine anyone else giving me this, other than Sir. There are so many submissives online who are desperate for denial. Inevitably they find someone to play with, but they don’t get their desires for long term denial met. They are a combination of delight at playing with denial, and frustration at it being too short a period of time to satisfy them, so they alternately beg for more and pretend to be satisfied with what they have. I’m so glad that’s not me – I love being here, on a raft in the middle of an ocean of denial, six months from either shore. I *love* the certainty of knowing it won’t end before then. I can just bob about on the waves, look around me, enjoy the scenery, not trying to cram it all in before I’m beached on the shore again.

At the same time, I worry about how it affects the relationship between Sir and me; I became very concerned the other week that we are lacking in intimacy these days – we have hard, nasty, using sex, for his pleasure and I love it. I don’t miss the orgasming, but I do miss that intense kissy, lovey sex where we’re really focused on each other, on giving and receiving pleasure, on being joined together by sex, the tenderness of it, and I realised that orgasm denial is not conducive to that – it comes naturally as part of ordinary, non-denied sex, but during denial we have to make the effort to work at it, and make sure that we don’t lose that aspect of our relationship.

I guess it’s a sign of how far we’ve come in BDSM that it seems like the norm between us now, and ‘vanilla’ aspects have to be remembered and included. There’s nothing – *nothing* hotter than the feeling of being mounted, used, ejaculated in and put away wet by the hottest man on the planet (imo) but there’s a lot to be said for sweet kissy sex and ‘I love you’s too.

chastity xxx