2 months denial and figging
It is fast approaching 2 months without orgasm, and I find myself reflecting on the journey so far, and to come.
I feel absolutely fine about the denial – I’ve mentally given up any claim to an orgasm. I don’t feel that I want, need or deserve one, on the contrary, I’m very happy to deny my body access to the pleasure that it wants so much. I love the thought of how long it might be, serving others sexually without being given release myself. I love the torment of it.
I’m still edging frequently, but not for very long. I have to be pretty quick about backing away from the edge when necessary, because I can feel how ready my pussy is to tip over that edge into a glorious, spasming, shuddering pleasure and satisfaction. Not going to happen! I am getting better, I think, at judging where that edge is and moving away from it when necessary. I like to occupy the middle ground, where I’m enjoying it, but I’m not worried about losing control. At the very least, there have been absolutely no accidents, which I’m delighted about. It’s fully my intention to deny myself orgasms for a full year, and if anything prevents that, I’ll be gutted.
Yesterday’s edging session was more interesting than usual. The other day I was shopping in the supermarket when I saw bags of big pieces of ginger on sale. I’ve wanted to play with ginger for so long but my Owner wasn’t interested in it at all. It’s one of my few remaining unfulfilled fantasies (along with being DPed, one day it will happen!) but here I am, single, and he’s away for the weekend, so I picked up a bag with a devious grin on my face.
Then yesterday, I chose the biggest piece of ginger, and carefully peeled and cut off any lumps or bumps, cutting it into a long finger shape, with a wide end so it wouldn’t get drawn up into me. The smell was lovely, I had forgotten how fresh ginger smells. Then I stripped down to my knickers and lay on the bed. I eased the finger of ginger into my ass, and put a slice of ginger on my clit, then I lay back, and waited for the fireworks.
I didn’t have to wait long. Oh. My. God. I don’t think I have ever experienced anything as painful as that for a very long time. It felt like losing my anal virginity all over again, but more painful in fact. It wasn’t just the heat of the ginger causing me pain, it was the reaction of my ass to its presence inside me. My ass gripped hard around this cruel invader, and ached and hurt so much, it was like being taken for that first time. It felt huge and hard and that I couldn’t take it. I was lay on the bed, breathing hard, moaning, seeing stars. I can only imagine how much more of a head trip it would be if I was tied down and bent over, with a Dom inserting it into my ass. The ginger on my clit was pleasant, but totally overshadowed by the ginger in my ass, so I didn’t notice that much of an effect from it. The whole thing lasted about 20 minutes, and honestly blew my mind, I would totally recommend it.
Afterwards, I edged myself some more, then gave myself half an hour with the magnetic clamps and the rosebud, and then ten minutes with the clover clamps. At this point I had to stop because my nipples were so sore, I was starting to get that flip-flop feeling high up in my pussy, like I was about to cum. So I took everything off and got dressed and just let the arousal settle down by itself. No matter how much I edge and tease myself, I rarely get that frustrated feeling for very long any more. I’m aware of my arousal, but usually my only thought is whether I should go edge. The possibility of orgasm is a long way away.