A Question for the Ladies
Orgasm denial is one of those crossover kinks that straddles the border of BDSM. Some who do it are well within the BDSM circle, others do it who would never consider themselves or choose to be a part of BDSM. And I can see why - denial can be very pleasurable, edging and teasing can bring great enjoyment, people can abstain for emotional, spiritual or practical reasons, or just because they find it interesting. One of the things I love about this website is that it's neutral like that - BDSMers are welcome, yet so is anyone else who enjoys denial, and no-one is considered better than anyone else. The drop down boxes when we post allow us to pick our own labels, which can change from post to post, from minute to minute even!
For myself, the submissive connection is that I don't have the willpower to make myself abstain from cumming, I need it to be enforced, which is where my Owner comes in. No Dom - no denial! But I have read posts from women who can deny themselves, and in fact may do so over long periods of time. And I find this fascinating, the non-submissive aspects of denial.
So my question is, for the ladies who do or are interested in any form of edging or denial - where do your position yourselves in relation to BDSM? Are you a 24/7 slave who lives the lifestyle, or are you an independent lady who does it just for fun? Did your Dom enforce denial on you or have you always been interested in these aspects of sexuality regardless of any power exchange?
Thank you,
chastity xxx
dom needed
hey chastity..i only enjoy it if my Dom of the moment makes me do it..it is all about power exchange and control for me..well, and the sensation of being turned on all the time :)
.i have no interest in doing it independantly...so, i need the Dom, to really enjoy it, and enjoy it i do! btw, not in any D/s relationship atm, but, it will happen again.
If I had a real life Dom to
If I had a real life Dom to try the 24/7, I would. But as my Dom is online only, gotta make do. I had tried the denial alone and I was having many issues. So much so that someone suggested I post my info. Fortunately I did and found my current Dom. It has been a great experience, but oddly enough, he mostly has to make me cum. I do my best to stay away from an orgasm, though it is difficult for me to keep from having a ruined. So, I require a Dom for the emotional support and creativity he brings.
male side
I know chastity posed this question to the ladies, but I agreed strongly with nelia's response, so I thought I'd contribute a comment from the dominant male side. It is about the power exchange and control as well. At least as much, if not more, than the long term denial. I want total control of her orgasms, including when she has them, where, how many, and how she achieves them. I want the woman I am doing this with to be constantly aroused, not just by the activity, but by the mere thought that her orgasms are no longer under her control. I have found that achieving that mental aspect and establishing the power exchange definitely heightens and intensifies the experience. For some women, the teasing and denial done independently simply does not measure up to the experience with enforcement. But as chastity pointed out, there is not just one way, or better way, and what works for some just might not work for another.
BTW nelia, let me know if you are still needing ;)
Male Side
I guess I can't help but think that there can be only one male side to this? i.e. He must be a Dom. I can't imagine a man could deny a woman without it being D/s. Even if he wasn't a Dom, I can't imagine most women would let someone else deny them unless they were submissive. I can imagine a woman denying herself and letting her male partner participate in a vanilla way, for mutual pleasure, but if the man is enforcing it then it must be BDSM, imo.
I would be interested to hear from any non-dominant men whose female partners deny their own orgasms, and what it is like from their perspective?
Thanks,
chastity xxx
to blueyz
Still on hold atm, but i will remember the offer
thanks :)
Hmm interesting question.
I'm not interested in BDSM generally, the only time it interests me is if it's related to teasing (which I prefer to denial - the whole point is for there to be a 'reward' at the end of it, if there isn't a reward I lose interest) so I don't really consider myself to be into BDSM. But at the same time, I think teasing/denial is intrinsically about a power exchange...even if you're doing it yourself, isn't it still about an element of control and power? So, since I'm interested in teasing, I do kind of think of myself as being interested in dom/sub stuff.
I personally have no
I personally have no experience with a Dom, although the idea... well, let's say I'm intrigued by it. I mostly try and edge myself as much as I can before I simply no longer have the willpower (or sometimes orgasm happens on its own, which is maddening!
For me it is a very intrinsic
For me it is a very intrinsic part of our D/s relationship. i crave control in most areas of my life, this being one of the crucial ones. i don't do edging unless ordered to. For me, it ruins my arousal. i am very much into the denial caused by another.
My husband and I have both
My husband and I have both come to appreciate and honestly prefer making love without orgasm, even though neither of us has the slightest D/s interest. It has not only made our sex life much better-- we make time for physical intimacy every day, which was once inconceivable-- but also strengthened our relationship. I see the emotional benefits as the best part. This state of low-level background arousal helps us to cherish all the time we spend together, even outside the bedroom, to the point of even bringing back some of those magical newlywed feelings.
We'll go a few weeks or months like this, but do fall back to conventional sex once in a while. The contrast between the two helps to keep things interesting. Also, orgasmic release prior to spending time apart makes the separation more bearable.