It keeps getting better
Life has been very, VERY strange for the last 6 months, so things are in disarray, both mentally/physically/practically... grrr. But I'm glad to be getting back to some semblance of "normal" (for me anyway. ha!)
I've been looking at old pix of my clitoris compared to recent, and I can't really tell if it's bigger or not. It feels bigger to my finger and BF says it looks bigger. The testogel (the brand name) is a very interesting experiment! I'm glad my GP offered it when she saw my low level in the blood tests. She is great.
I reach orgasm easier since surgery. They happen suddenly though. I am having trouble keeping my hands away from myself. As a result, I have had 3 ruined accidental orgasms. I swear they happen AFTER I have stopped touching my clit. A few seconds later, the tell-tell throbbing convulsions start. I have not allowed myself to savour them. And I'm finding they are not diminishing my level of desire and extreme neediness! I must, however, figure out a way to sense the approach of one at an earlier stage. I really don't want to disobey BF. He has been great!
The control/denial/extreme arousal and then penetration in that state, which runs as the theme through all OC's writing, is so utterly erotic... i wish wish wish BF would go that far! He's getting better though, so I shouldn't complain. One of these days he will figure it out. Hope we are in the same nursing home when it happens. ha.
Lately he is becoming more urgently aroused when he pleasures me, and has been having to penetrate me when I am in that state that OC describes. He doesn't say anything about my not being allowed to orgasm, or how good it is when I am in that state, so I have to just tell myself that is the situation. I suppose it actually is. He knows he is not going to let me orgasm, and he takes his pleasure in me, and I am not allowed to try to make or let myself cum while he does.
It would be more of a sacrifice if I actually tended to orgasm during penetration... That has happened only once (without direct clitoral stimulation during the penetration), but sometimes feels closer to happening lately.
To anyone who uses Maxoderm:does the actual Maxoderm tube/box list at the active ingredient(s) or just their proprietary name of "vasotran auctum?" I'm wondering if it's a form of L-Arginine. I made my own version of that once w/ L-Arginine powder and glycerine. I think i made the concentration too strong. It burnt my poor clit! But have to admit it WAS effective. I have extremely sensitive delicate skin, even moreso than others. Have to be careful. Clit was out of action for a while! Hmmm... now there's an interesting dilemma.
The opposite appeals to me more, for some perverse reason: numbing the clit.
When i was in hospital, i had to be catheterised, and it was irritating me. They used a bit of topical anesthetising gel on me to ease it, and fortunately left the remainder (in a syringe) with me. GREAT STUFF: "Instillagel." Unfortunately, my syringe is only 6ml, so I only have one little teeny tiny bit left. But it's enough to NUMB a clit.
The only thing with the clit numbing that I find is that it effectively numbs only the most external nerve endings, but stimulation can still be felt within the clit, and orgasm can still be achieved. I'd love to go to a safe but mildly perverse MD sometime and get a nice little xylocaine INJECTION while being aroused to the point of frustration. Numbed on the surface with a good topical anesth and then the injection. Then, with the timing right, as things get really really "good" the effects of the xylocaine begin to occur.... and all sensation, external and internal, fades away. Awwwww....
Perhaps it would even affect the vagina, and the feeling of penetration would
be somewhat muted as well. (Mongojerry? Chicki Lewis? would that happen?)