It keeps getting better

Girl Next Door's picture

Life has been very, VERY strange for the last 6 months, so things are in disarray, both mentally/physically/practically... grrr. But I'm glad to be getting back to some semblance of "normal" (for me anyway. ha!)

I've been looking at old pix of my clitoris compared to recent, and I can't really tell if it's bigger or not. It feels bigger to my finger and BF says it looks bigger. The testogel (the brand name) is a very interesting experiment! I'm glad my GP offered it when she saw my low level in the blood tests. She is great.

I reach orgasm easier since surgery. They happen suddenly though. I am having trouble keeping my hands away from myself. As a result, I have had 3 ruined accidental orgasms. I swear they happen AFTER I have stopped touching my clit. A few seconds later, the tell-tell throbbing convulsions start. I have not allowed myself to savour them. And I'm finding they are not diminishing my level of desire and extreme neediness! I must, however, figure out a way to sense the approach of one at an earlier stage. I really don't want to disobey BF. He has been great!

The control/denial/extreme arousal and then penetration in that state, which runs as the theme through all OC's writing, is so utterly erotic... i wish wish wish BF would go that far! He's getting better though, so I shouldn't complain. One of these days he will figure it out. Hope we are in the same nursing home when it happens. ha.

Lately he is becoming more urgently aroused when he pleasures me, and has been having to penetrate me when I am in that state that OC describes. He doesn't say anything about my not being allowed to orgasm, or how good it is when I am in that state, so I have to just tell myself that is the situation. I suppose it actually is. He knows he is not going to let me orgasm, and he takes his pleasure in me, and I am not allowed to try to make or let myself cum while he does.

It would be more of a sacrifice if I actually tended to orgasm during penetration... That has happened only once (without direct clitoral stimulation during the penetration), but sometimes feels closer to happening lately.

To anyone who uses Maxoderm:does the actual Maxoderm tube/box list at the active ingredient(s) or just their proprietary name of "vasotran auctum?" I'm wondering if it's a form of L-Arginine. I made my own version of that once w/ L-Arginine powder and glycerine. I think i made the concentration too strong. It burnt my poor clit! But have to admit it WAS effective. I have extremely sensitive delicate skin, even moreso than others. Have to be careful. Clit was out of action for a while! Hmmm... now there's an interesting dilemma.

The opposite appeals to me more, for some perverse reason: numbing the clit.

When i was in hospital, i had to be catheterised, and it was irritating me. They used a bit of topical anesthetising gel on me to ease it, and fortunately left the remainder (in a syringe) with me. GREAT STUFF: "Instillagel." Unfortunately, my syringe is only 6ml, so I only have one little teeny tiny bit left. But it's enough to NUMB a clit.

The only thing with the clit numbing that I find is that it effectively numbs only the most external nerve endings, but stimulation can still be felt within the clit, and orgasm can still be achieved. I'd love to go to a safe but mildly perverse MD sometime and get a nice little xylocaine INJECTION while being aroused to the point of frustration. Numbed on the surface with a good topical anesth and then the injection. Then, with the timing right, as things get really really "good" the effects of the xylocaine begin to occur.... and all sensation, external and internal, fades away. Awwwww....

Perhaps it would even affect the vagina, and the feeling of penetration would
be somewhat muted as well. (Mongojerry? Chicki Lewis? would that happen?)


Maxoderm Ingredients:

Maxoderm Ingredients:
VasoTran Auctum Ingredients: Yohimbe Extract, L-Arginine, Methyl Nicotinate, Muira Puama, Panax Ginseng, Catuaba, Maca, Saw Palmetto, Nettles, Zinc.

Maxoderm Other Ingredients: Aqua (Distilled Water), Aloe Barbadensis (Aloe) Leaf Juice Helianthus (Sunflower) Seed Oil, Stearic Acid (Vegetable Source), Glycine Sojs (Soybean) Oil, Cetyl Alcohol NF (Vegetable Source), Tocopherol (Vitamin E), Sodium Bicarbonate, Lecithin (From Soy), Aloe Barbadensis (Aloe) Leaf Extract, Camelia Sinensis (Green Tea) Leaf Extract, Rosmarinus Officinalis (Rosemary) Leaf Extract, Citrus Grandis (Grapefruit) Seed Extract, Ascorbyl Palmitate (Vitamin C), Methylparaben NF, Propylpanaben NF

Hope this helps.

This stuff is nice for added stimulation. For a man it creates a nice warming sensation, helps with blood flow. They sell something specifically for a female, I think it's a bit lower in it's sensation level, however the regular maxoderm is great when used on a womans clitoris. Creates a nice warming sensation there as well, may be a bit stronger than for the man, but very nice none the less. For those that may want to try it, allow your partner to be the one to put it on you, to rub it in, to tease you, to use your body, and leave you panting, ready to scream for more. It does a very nice job as far as adding sensation.

reynard's picture

Clit pix

I just find it interesting and amusing that you have old pictures of your clit to do before and after comparisons. How many girls do that? Or at least admit to it... :)

Girl Next Door's picture

Further report from the weekend.

I was telling BF about OC's story and the recurring theme of penetration at the verge of the woman's orgasm (which would be sacrificed for his pleasure). He actually seemed interested! I wish wish wish BF would take control at that level, though in fairness, he IS being more controlling lately! It's great.

He's been teasing more mercilessly! And taking more advantage of me too, like in the last story (Taking Control: ).

BF is typical of most men over 35, and tends to lose interest in sex for a day or two after an orgasm, but this hasn't been the case lately. I wonder if my magic gel is rubbing off on him. ha. (I'm only using 1/5 the dose normally prescribed for males, so I kinda doubt he could get much off my skin!)

We also used my "pelvic exerciser" ( ) on me Friday night: He would touch my clit only so long as I could maintain a certain level of contraction. Every time the needle dropped below a given threshhold, he stopped touching me. When it returned to the designated level, touching started again. As I got higher, the clench got stronger, and so the threshold was raised, making it harder for me to maintain and keep the clit touches coming!

I am in such a desperate state of need, I was very willing to work very hard to be touched! It was actually very difficult, supremely frustrating, and highly erotic!

Once I reached a very aroused state and closer to the edge, the requirements were reversed:
I was to maintain a relaxed non-clenching state! If I clenched, he could see the needle wiggle on the gauge. If it jolted above a certain low threshhold, he would stop touching. As I got higher and higher, it became more and more difficult to prevent the clenches. I swear I was not doing them voluntarily, but nevertheless, the touches got lighter and lighter, fewer and further between.... and the more desperate I became and the touches became less and less as I was unable to prevent clenching.. until he stopped altogether because of too many clenches! It was the most erotic thing EVER for me with him so far.

Then he took me orally, rubbing my clit off and on while i sucked him frantically. I came so very close to orgasm so many times, it was killing me. All the while he taunted me saying things like "I am going to cum, but you are not... You want to cum so bad, but you aren't going to." etc. I couldn't believe he was saying it out loud. He took a very long time to explode. He can go for an amazingly long time on the edge, without cumming.

He does seem to like penetrating my swollen pussy when i am on edge (as in OC's recurring theme but without the apparent conscious appreciation OC describes!). Overall, he seems very susceptible to OC's viewpoint of late! I LOVE IT. (Thank you so much for that story, OC!!!)

Saturday night he let me read all 3 parts of the story to him. He was fucking me slowly at the time, so his patience level was high. ha. He usually won't let me read anything to him more than 10 words (typical male!!!!).

He enjoyed an intense orgasm after I finished the story. I had become even more aroused, as I had not yet read part 3. When I start getting extremely aroused, he gets higher, and he has his orgasm... and I'm left... bereft again. Swollen, oozing both our juices, aching for more. But it's what I ask for, isn't it.....

Also, I had to go to the pharmacy Saturday, so I asked the chemist if that same numbing gel was available OTC, and IT IS... so I have a new syringe! :-)

More later. Trying to catch up! It was an intense weekend... and is continuing into this week.

Girl Next Door's picture

I'm embarrassed...

I don't know if any other girls do it (take pictures of their clits)... There is something about seeing my own clit change with sexual arousal that is a super turn-on to me. Not unlike how you guys like seeing how hard you get, seeing the veins bulging, the head of your cock shiny and purple when it is so engorged.

Just a bit difficult for us girls to see ours in its completeness looking at it upside down, as it were. And I'm not a skinny thing, so my view can be somewhat obscured.

The image of my clit protruding, exposed, available to be touched... it's just a turn on. Photos of women exposed like that are a visual turn on to me. I feel their excitement, I suppose in a similar way that men enjoy watching fellatio being performed.

If the clit in the pic is not being touched, I imagine the frustration, etc.

When BF said it seemed that my clit had become larger since i started using the gel, i was naturally curious.

I have been mildly chided (on the side by a Tantalism contributor) for telling of the pics and not sharing them... i will ponder that. I know he's right, it wasn't fair, but...

i'll think about it...

Girl Next Door's picture

Thanks for ingredients, OC

Grapefruit Seed Extract! It is definitely an ACTIVE ingredient. Wonder why they put it in "other." If you get that stuff (undiluted) on tender skin.... yowee yikes ouch!

I assumed the L-Arginine part correctly. :)

Nettles... definitely an active ingredient. Ha! (and it's nettle gathering time over here. Loads of fresh new ones around my house.)

My delicate skin would be grateful for the aloes, Vit E. I don't know that much about the others from a hurting/healing/agitating/soothing perspective. Aloe as a base might be very smart!

I think we could make our own lotion-potion. We'd spend less on the cumulative ingredients than on one tube or little bottle of similar products. Just be careful with the concentration of the ingredients! Ouch.

orca's picture

typical of men over 35...

hi GND,

My BF must be a decade ahead of his time. That disinterest for a few days after orgasm started in his mid-20s! It's been a chronic problem for me too, so I can't really criticize him on that count. We'd been together over six years by then, probably not uncommon for the passion to have fizzled a bit.

Deciding orgasm should be a rare occurrence (for us both) has certainly reinvigorated things :) So happy we persevered through what at first seemed so crazy and counterintuitive.

Maxoderm lotion sounds interesting, perhaps worth a try (is it available in Canada?). Direct clit stimultantion has never done much for me, and can even be unpleasant if there's too much. I had to cringe a bit at seeing Nettles on the ingredients list, though! Is there ever a lingering irritation after you've used it?

Enjoyed your posts... you certainly have a way with words! :)


I'm not sure about availability in Canada, however I think you can mail order. I know CVS pharmacy as well as Walmart carry it in the states. As far as nettles in the ingredients, it must be a very minute amount. My wife is very sensitive to most things, and finds this nicely stimulating, not overtly irritating in any way. The effect fades in about 10-20 minutes. It would be nice if it were strong enough to last for 30-60 minutes, however that's not the case.

I hope you find this helpful. OC

Wood's picture


to see you back gnd


I'm not an expert at gynecological anesthesia but extrapolating from other applications such as dermatologic, dental, and penile anesthesia (like for circumcision in babies), it would seem possible to induce total but temporary clitoral anesthesia via local injection of lidocaine (same as Xylocaine). I'm not sure precisely where one would want to place such an injection--my guess is two separate injections with a small guage needle on either side of the clitoris like at 3 and 9 o'clock would be correct.

OTOH, as long as your dreaming up a "safe but mildly perverse MD," you might get just as much mileage out of a topical prescription anesthetic such as EMLA or LET (though I'm not sure whether these are safe for use on mucous membranes as opposed to skin).

Actual vaginal anesthesia would be much more difficult--would really require a regional (pudendal) nerve block which would involve injecting the pudendal nerve which is far more involved than a simple local injection.

Girl Next Door's picture

Thanks for the explanation MJ

Thanks for the explanation MJ.

2 jabs for the clit eh? Yikes! But maybe with a prior application of the EMLA... :P

And I would HOPE it would be temporary! My goal would be only to kill it for that session only, AFTER being aroused to a desperate degree... followed by the invading numbness... the man's pleasure... and the session would then be over, particularly if sensation were beginning to return! (Unless of course, another session of stimulation to arousal... only to be left wanting.)

I found that EMLA is apparently ok for mucous membranes - specifically those of female genitalia :-) To wit: (mfr's information).

This is VERY interesting. Would the EMLA actually penetrate beneath the skin into the clitoris itself?

I hadn't actually considered total vaginal anesthesia in my little fantasy. That would be interesting too. But I agree, the administration would be way too complex... A bit of fringe numbness due to the lidocaine injections to the clit would be enough to dull things down for me, I think! Or a little swab of EMLA into the introitus!

Now to wheedle an Rx for EMLA out of my GP! Why is it Rx only?

Why, indeed?

"Now to wheedle an Rx for EMLA out of my GP! Why is it Rx only?"

Presumably to keep pervies like you from using it for devious sinful activities. :P

More likely (since I doubt the relevant regulatory agencies ever considered someone might want to use it to stamp out her own sexual pleasure) it's Rx-only because of the stuff in the Warnings, Precautions and Adverse Effects section of the material you found. Plus, most kidding aside, although this particular use is probably not of much concern generally, I could certainly see how it would be likely to be used for any number of activities in which regulators have an interest such as injection drug abuse.

I wonder just how effective EMLA might be--I suppose it could indeed obviate the need for an actual injection--not sure. I wonder if you might be able to learn more about female genital anesthesia from someone who does piercing?

Have I mentioned how I think you might actually be just a tad, um, unbalanced, for even considering numbing/injecting your clit? :)

Girl Next Door's picture

I am an unbalanced perv! :D

I am an unbalanced perv! :D I think that has been well established for quite some time! LOL.

EMLA for injection drug abuse? yuck! But I never cease to be amazed. But then look at me, toying with ideas of clit anesthetizing!

I actually wouldn't want to do it to myself, and I don't really consider injecting my clit. I fantasize about it though! A lot! I fantasize about having it done TO me in the context of control.

So the fantasy is a huge turn on... being well on the way to at least desperate edging... with slippery gel being added for pleasure... oohhh ...but what? the sensation is going away... rub harder... hmmm... trying to keep it going, the surface is losing sensation, but the clit can still feel the stimulation. Then a little sting (since it's been slightly numbed by the gel/cream), and another little sting on the other side. Stimulation continues and some progress is made, but gradually it fades, fades, fades as the stimulation only works the lidocaine into the tissues and the poor clitoris is no longer sending the great sensations. No orgasm for her tonight, no feeling at all, after ramping up soooo high.

But she remains swollen and wet, and he takes his pleasure, has his release, and she has none... yet.

I'm just pervier than you, maybe?!? hmmm...

To reassure you: I wouldn't actually try to be injected, unless I was in a relationship with an MD who I thought i could talk into doing it! But then it would still fall into slightly unethical behaviour. A conundrum... But BF is most definitely not a physician of any sort, so I'm safe.

But I'm in such a state at this stage, I'm thinking all sorts of pervy things!

I've been prohibited now from directly touching my pussy at all. I can touch through my knickers only, and for 10 minutes only... when instructed to do so. This is a new twist. He thought this one up on his own! So I am VERY frustrated now, but there is no chance of any further accidents, and I am more motivated to behave. When I don't think he really cares, and he doesn't mind me fairly closely, then I start straying on my own, and have a tendency to over-indulge.

2 of the last 3 nights I've been only aroused a bit, and not teased to the edge. Had to skip last night, as he had been with me all day running errands/doc appt, so we didn't have our evening play.

Tuesday night he revved me up pretty well, but not to the edge. Then he stopped and enjoyed some frantic oral service... and had ANOTHER orgasm... nearly choked me. He's having more frequent orgasms lately, while I'm having none. I think he is enjoying this.

Tonight he only teased for a few minutes til I began to get aroused, and he stopped. More oral... for him, that is... but he chose not to continue. I think he was trying to get home for a soccer match on TV!

He said again that my clit looks like it is getting bigger. Still no unwanted signs of overdoing my very helpful gel. No hairs on chest yet! No new moustache hairs either. ha ha. Just a very horny lady and a big clit. I can deal with it... so far!

I find myself becoming instantaneously swollen and wet when I have the slightest thought of anything sexual. And my permitted touching-over-fabric creates a very strong response as well. Interesting... and wildly frustrating.

Today it became very compelling and intense.

I seem to be maintaining a wet spot in my knickers!

Time for bed over here.
I hope I can get some intense stimulation at the weekend. Frustration has reached a serious stage! Highly exploitable, I must say.



I also like my flights of fancy to to seem at least possible if not actually plausable so I definitely understand a desire to iknow just how such an anesthesia might work in practice even if it's not a fantasy you anticipate actually realizing. Don't worry about squicking me, btw--there are worse things you can do and besides I think this little fantasy of yours is fun to read about (not least because of just how much it turns you on).

BTW--Anbesol is over the counter and it just might work.

Girl Next Door's picture

I'm so annoyed with myself.

I'm so annoyed with myself.

I was at the doc this morning, and the reason is pain-related. I had a legitimate reason to ask for the EMLA Rx and I FORGOT!!

Unfortunately, my perversions tend to automatically step aside when I am on an "unrelated" (in my mental compartmentalisation anyway)mission. Duh...

Ah well... might ring back next week to see if I can get it after the fact. I could actually really legitimately use it under the circumstances... and would be nice for the sideline experiment.

Is Benzocaine as powerful as lidocaine (called lignocaine here)?
How does 20% benzocaine compare to 2% lidocaine?

Found this in an article:
"For procedures involving deeper tissues[emphasis mine], EMLA reduces the pain of local anesthetic injection."

Sounds like EMLA is what I am after, both for legitimate use as well as recreational topical experimentation. YUM.

Anbesol has camphor... wonder how that would feel until the benzocaine took effect! yikes. I'm not too keen on the stinging stuff! But I suppose at times, it might be a necessary play tactic.

I bought some fresh ginger root today... I'm afraid to play with it...! Better have the Instillagel handy if we play with it...

I am soooooooo horny.... unless I'm distracted by errands, doctors, etc... can't keep my mind away from it.

Done with doctors now for at least a month! And I'm back to work on Tuesday (Monday = bank holiday) after a long convalescence. Not looking forward to that shock!

BF will be here soon. Must get ready (after I say hello to a "noobie.")

Oh, and I wasn't worried about squicking you, MJ. I doubt that would be possible! But didn't want you to get too concerned about my ability to utilise good judgement. I think that all 3 aspects of Safe, Sane and Consensual are important! ;-)


lurker's picture


I tried using Anbesol once, and it didn't seem to affect my clit at all - not even a nice tingly sensation. :(

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