Jester's blog

Well, my latest denial ended moments ago, and quite spectacularly!

This time I let Anna decide when I get to cum. This started 15 days ago, while she had 12 days to go until her own orgasm. I might have gotten to cum sooner, but I'm still having trouble with the meds. I'm not as well adjusted as I thought I was. Some days I can edge, some days I can't.

The days I could edge, however, were wonderful. It felt amazing to get to the edge, knowing I couldn't cum... being told I couldn't cum!

Well, today was my lucky day. I hadn't been able to edge at all for the past 2 days, so I skipped a dose today. That helped a lot, though it was still a struggle at times. When I finally did get to the edge, I wanted to cum... I wanted it badly. I finally started begging to be allowed to cum... and she let me.

I just had... what might have been a ruined orgasm... I'm not even sure.

It was weird. I felt an orgasm coming on, and stopped, and for a moment I felt
like i was teeter-tottering between going over and not going over.... except I'm not sure which side the teeter-totter landed on!

I didn't feel any orgasm, not even a ruined one. I spasmed like an orgasm, but that happens all the time, even just edging. I touched myself right after and was still sensitive like I hadn't cum, though a few moments later I wasn't aroused anymore.

I described it to Anna. She called it a 'ruined ruin.' An apt summary.

Well I think I'm finally adjusting to the meds, hopefully for the last time.

I edged this morning, for the first time in a while. For some reason it's so much more intense than it used to be. When I finally got there, I was craving an orgasm, yet I didn't want to stop. I was humping the air at the end.

My libido is a bit lower now with the change in meds, but hopefully edging will stimulate it a bit. Certainly higher than it would be if I were just cumming whenever I felt like it.

I'm not sure what my next teasing game will be... perhaps the once-a-week rationing plan that I was considering some time back but never quite followed through on.

Well, at the store today I saw that they had some ginger root, so I decided to buy a piece and do some mild experimenting.

I wasn't planning to actually insert it anywhere, just apply a bit of it externally. I cut off a finger and pared the end of it so some of the root was exposed. I then rubbed a little onto the underside of my cock. Nothing happened, so I kept at it.

After a few minutes, I started to feel an effect. Nothing too dramatic, just a feeling of warmth, which intensified over the course of the next few minutes. Not wanting it to get out of control, I took the finger away and jumped in the shower, washing the area with soap and water. The warm water from the shower felt a lot warmer on my cock. After I was done, the feeling of heat continued for a few more minutes. Not uncomfortably hot, though it might have become uncomfortable if I had let it go any longer.

Well, I've played the dice game several times in the last few days.

I was considering (from the start) a rule that said that I could have a ruined orgasm if I got a double. I was waffling on whether to implement it or not, since (a) it would make things a little too 'easy', and (b) I'd never get to cum since, knowing me, I'd take the ruined orgasm over taking a chance on rolling a triple every time. Well, Anna suggested an alternative -- I get a ruined orgasm if I roll two doubles in one session.

So last night I was playing the game... keeping myself on edge as I rolled the dice. Getting frustrated, wanting to cum so bad. Exactly what I wanted, of course. It was a good 20 minutes before I finally rolled a double. I wanted to cum so bad, I was hoping and praying that I'd roll that triple... but it was not to be. It was a 6 of course... 6 more torturous minutes.

I think I've finally adjusted to the meds. Tonight I was able to get myself to the edge so much more easily than I could even just a few days ago. And it was a spectacular edge, 25 minutes in all. I played the dice game with myself, and I didn't even get a double, let alone a triple. I was on the verge of giving up in frustration when I got distracted surfing the net for porn and lost the edge.

But really, I wasn't so much into the game, as much I just wanted to enjoy the edge. I haven't been able to do it in so long, and I really have missed how good it feels. And how frustrating it is. The whole time I was thinking just how wonderful an orgasm would be, even a ruined one. But my self-control won out, and I've been without an orgasm for 2 full days now.

Well, I went back to the 20mg of Paxil again. I can't stand what the 40s do to me. I got my other anti-anxiety medication upped, and hopefully it'll keep the anxiety in check -- it seems to help more than the Paxil does to begin with, and it doesn't have the sexual side effects of the Paxil.

Nevertheless, my body still seems to be 'adjusting' somewhat. It may not have finished flushing the higher dose out of my system yet. I have noticed an improvement over the 40mg dose however. I was able to edge tonight for the first time in weeks, although it took quite a bit of time (and work!) to get to that point.

The more observant of you might have noticed that I haven't posted much in a while. No, I'm not dead, and I haven't lost interest in denial. I haven't really had much to report, but I thought I'd post a little update for my 'fans.' (I feel so silly saying that.)

I managed a two and a half week stretch a few weeks back, though there was one (accidental) ruined orgasm one week in, so it was about a week and a half before I finally couldn't take it anymore.

Since then, I've been on a bit of an extended break from T&D. I do believe it's important to stop and enjoy what you've been missing for a while. It makes the denial more fun when you go back to it. I've done a little bit of teasing here and there, but not more than a couple days at a time.

This one is so simple, yet oh so devious.

Roll a die. Edge for the number of minutes shown on the die. Then roll again. If it's the same number, you get to cum. If not, edge for that many minutes. Repeat until either you get to cum or you get too frustrated to continue.

(Ideas taken from nastasia_2000 and crikey)

So someone mentioned The Clapper in the chat recently.

Now, hearing The Clapper mentioned in a sex chat sent my mind to some very naughty places. I'm not even sure what most of those places were, but they were definitely naughty.

After thinking, I finally came up with an application: Plug a wall-powered vibe into it -- Ghetto Tease Toy!

After thinking further, I came up with a further application: Take a speakerphone, turn the volume all the way up, and put it next to the sensor on the clapper -- Ghetto remote-control Tease Toy!